Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Hill will concede by Saturday.



My previous timetables were too cautious, and my gentleman's bet with Michael MUCH too cautious. The handwriting is on the wall. And the ceiling, and the floor. She knows. Bill knows. She will go. The only question is when.

I don't know about any of you, but I consider this a decidedly mediocre day for the republic. While we DESPERATELY need to unify the party so as to win in November, and its thus a REAL good thing to get it over with, I am so not big on Obama. He has NOT grown on me, not one iota, and leaves me cold. By policy he's a fairly cautious traditional liberal, breaking no new ground anywhere. I know that's contrary to his image (images are POWERFUL things), but go ahead-- name a single area where he is other than what I describe? Iraq? Well he opposed, but then he voted for war funding. Health care? Hillary light. And so on. Al Gore, where are ya?

For the rest of this post, I refer you to the post where I analogized the democratic party primary to the prom.

http://flyingpinkunicorns.blogspot.com/2007/11/i-analogize-to-high-school-prom-from.html

After Obama was elected Homecoming Queen, Hillary ran off in tears. "I'll call you, I'm not mad at you," she shrieked. At 5:05 a.m. last night, she called me.

"BUT I *SNIFF* WANTED TO BE HOMECOMING QUEEN." I'm the smartest, I worked the hardest, I wanted it. How COULD they vote for a 7th grader!! She was hysterical crying.

"Hillary, you did everything humanly possible." "I know I did. I worked my heart out-- but they voted for HER! She's only in 7th grade for heaven's sake, how can a 7th grader be Homecoming Queen?" "And you know what's worse? The cowardly teachers. They KNOW I'm way smarter than Obama, know much more about being Homecoming Queen, and I'm almost as pretty, and they STILL voted for her. The voting was SOoo close among the students that we all knew that the faculty would decide the Homecoming Queen (which by the way SUCKS). And as soon as it was clear that that b**** Obama had a tiny little edge (to go along with her tiny little 7th grade chest), the faculty went for her in droves. COWARDS." *sniff* It should have been ME!"

"Hill, I still think you would have been the best Homecoming Queen!" "Oh stop," she literally and figuratively cried. "You're still thinking about Al Gore and her bigger chest and hotter legs." "Um, well..." "Oh, its ok, I know. You never lied to me. I'm a realist, you know."

"Look, Hill, you are as smart and capable as any of them, even Al. ANY. But that's not what getting elected Homecoming Queen is all about. We always knew it wouldn't be as easy for you as it was for your sister Bianca. She was THE smartest, the coolest, the nicest, the prettiest, the best female athlete, gets the most guys, (and never you mind her reputation for being with a ton of guys) the best at everything. I have no idea how you've accomplished as much as you have in her shadow. NO ONE could compete with Bianca."

"Oh shut up. I made peace long ago with the fact that Bianca is better at just about everything than me. Only thing I can hope to compete with her in is brains. I could never ever have come this far without her. I'm proud to be her sister! Bianca's the bestest!"

"Yeah, and she told you what you needed to do to be Homecoming Queen. And you just about won. Who knew so many of the students would swoon for this new 7th grader."

"Yeah." A minute-long crying interlude......

"Any other f***ing year I would have been happy to elect a black Homecoming Queen. Its about time. BUT NOT MY YEAR!" What the heck am I going to do????"

"Well, Hillary, Obama could really use your support in the upcoming Homecoming Queen competition. She's got some really tough competition too. Our blood rival school incredibly picked Joanna McGuiness as its Homecoming Queen. Its ironic, really. We've got the 7th grader and they've got the girl that didn't finish High School till she was 23! A 23 year old versus a 13 year old!"

"Joanna's a big fat old hag nothing. Even flat little Obama can take her without my help."

"Maybe so, but Joanna does have a compelling story. Drops out before her senior year, enlists in the army, they send her to Iraq, and she ends up getting IED'd. She's seriously injured, she and her entire platoon are captured by those awful people and held for years! Amazing that she got out of there in one piece, never mind that she came back and finished High School. She's got a set of cojones to rival yours, Hillary. She's gonna be one tough customer."

"Yeah, like, whatever," Hillary said, not crying anymore. She may only be in 7th grade, but I just learned the hard way how tough, smart and savvy Obama is and have the scars to prove it. Joanna what's her name aint got a prayer. I'll help Obama, but she's gotta call me and ask REAL nicely. And she's going to have to offer to share some of the glory and some of the cash gifts she'd get by winning the competition. Then I'll *sniff* consider it."

1 comment:

Bryan said...

You know, I think you're overdoing it on how "better" qualified Hilary was than Obama. As I emailed you earlier, if you're going to base it on "experience," there are many others with far more experience for the position than Hilary. Biden for example. Maybe I'm missing something, but the only elected office Hilary has held is senator, and she hasn't held that post for that long. She's still a junior senator, doesn't head any committees, etc. She was never a governor, never a secretary of anything. Yeah, she was the First Lady, and managed to alienate a ton of people in that position. What she's experienced at is being a "politician", and I think that was her downfall. The country did not want a politician.
In the end, Obama was charismatic, and came off as fresh, the outsider, the "change" they wanted. He wasn't politics as usual. By contrast, Hilary was the old school politician that the country (at least the dems) did not want. She failed to grasp that, and lost.
Now looking forward, Obama is charimatic, but he's not some dumb blonde. He's no Elle (Legally Blonde reference). He's a smart guy. Hopefully what he lacks in experience, he'll make up in smarts, and pick outstanding people for his administration and to advise him.
As for your view that he is an underwhelming candidate, an uninspiring liberal, in some ways that might be a good thing. Somebody who came out with all kinds of new ideas would probably scare the majority of voters away from voting for him. Obama may have spouted "change" as his platform, but people are scared of too much change. Anybody with truly radical views would not get elected. So "change" here is "change" from the last 8 years, and I think that's a good start.